What to do, what to do.

Yesterday my last child left for college.  I knew it was coming.  This was no surprise.  I wish I'd known how hard it would be so I could brace myself.   She is the last one to leave.  So.  Now I find myself wondering what I'm going to do with the rest of my life.

First let me tell you about me.  I'm a 45 year old woman that married at 21 to a man that already had two kids.  They were a package deal.  I was going to school full time and working full time when my Babe Sweetie entered the picture.  We ended up having 3 more kids.  Then much to my dismay we  moved from a small country town into the big scary city.  His desire is to leave one day and live on a mountain where the weather is cooler, the people are nicer and he can have land.  I turned from a country girl into a city girl and frankly I'd prefer to stay close to the kids and our grandchildren.

Growing up I had dreams and ideas.  I knew that I eventually wanted to marry, have kids and live happily ever after. You know, what every one truly wants.  I look back at those times and feel like I was more or less prepared.  However, now I find myself in a brand new place in life.  A new chapter if you will.  This is the first time in my life that I feel like I don't know what's coming. And funnily enough with as much time as I invested in raising my kids, preparing them for life, I find myself ill prepared.